Blogger of Jared

At the Sunstone Symposium this past week, panelists discussed the topic “Mormon Motherhood: Choice or Destiny?” where they talked about the October 2007 General Conference talk by Sister Julie B. Beck entitled “Mothers Who Know.”  It seems that discussions of gender and our divine nature and destiny often lead to debates about women and motherhood.

Rather than engage in that debate, I wanted to talk about a much less discussed aspect of our divine nature: A man’s role as husband and father.  In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” the First Presidency declares, “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”

Women are not alone in holding specific divinely appointed duties in this life that may seem restricting.  Men are charged with two primary responsibilities: Preside in love and righteousness and provide the necessities of life.  These responsibilities effectively govern every waking moment of a man’s life and often demand great sacrifices.

Fathers have the duty to ensure that their family life “is founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.”  Ancient prophets have commanded parents to teach their children to believe in Christ and to avoid contention.  Modern prophets have counseled parents to hold Family Home Evenings, have family prayer every day, read the scriptures as a family, and teach our children the gospel of Jesus Christ.  The Proclamation makes it clear that while “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners,” the ultimate responsibility falls on the father to ensure these commandments are followed.

This awesome task demands daily effort and great sacrifice for decades.  When children grow up, they will look to Heavenly Father as they look toward their earthly father.  Men hardly have a more important task than to live in such a way that their children can look to God as a loving, gentle, and caring father who demands excellence but shows great mercy, who can handle the toughest problems but show interest in his child’s smallest activities, and who may seem to be away at times but will always return and provides a deep and abiding feeling of security.

Fathers also have the duty to “provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”  This duty demands that fathers work for a living, in most cases outside the home.  As a result, most faithful fathers will find themselves spending the majority of waking hours during the work week away from their families, in many cases working jobs that are difficult and provide no more fulfillment than the knowledge that they are putting bread on the table and keeping a roof over their family’s heads.  While many men are fortunate to find jobs that they truly enjoy and find fulfilling, many more would rather spend their time in other pursuits.  I fall in the latter category.

At the moment, I am blessed to have a good job that pays well, has decent hours, and matches my skillset and personality.  However, in the past I have worked for a horrible boss or had jobs that caused great anxiety or required long hours.  During those years, I frequently dreaded work and only did it because of my obligation to provide for my family.  But even with the good job I have today, I would still much rather prefer to do a hundred other more fulfilling activities including being with my family.

In a sense, the life of the father ranks with the greatest tragedies in literature because the work he does in fulfillment of his patriarchal duty is the very thing which prevents him from being able to enjoy his family’s companionship, particularly during keys times in their lives.  I suspect that many fathers have missed hearing a child’s first words, watching her take her first steps, sending him off on his first day of school, attending her birthday party, etc.

Despite this apparent tragedy, I take great comfort in knowing that on an eternal scale, this mortal existence is only a brief moment and that we will have the eternities to enjoy the close company of our families.  My heavenly-defined role as a husband and father that seems restrictive from a mortal perspective is in reality truly liberating.  I am grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that leads us as a family along the path to eternal life and exaltation where we will finally have the chance to pursue every righteous desire and interest.