Blogger of Jared

Often it is said that the LDS church is one of Orthopraxy. In other words, it is a church where we are focused on doing the right things. It could be said that the Proclamation to the World regarding the Family is also focused primarily on this category, and that it lays down some basic ground rules of what we are supposed to do as a family.

I thought it would be fun to look at some potential reasons for some of these things we are asked to do. Things to do are in bold, reasons are in italics

Both Genders
1. Multiply and replenish the earth (Most people who have children say they are very happy in life, while most people who have never been parents say they are only “fairly happy” or “not too happy.” Even among single people, having children in their lives increases the odds they will be happy. [1])
2. Only procreate with the opposite sex and in the bonds of marriage. (research has shown that youth who have early sexual experience are more likely at later ages to have more sexual partners and more frequent intercourse. One recent study of women found that having more than one sexual relationship prior to marriage is associated with an elevated risk of divorce. Also, Marriages preceded by cohabitation are as much as 50% more likely to end in divorce. The higher divorce risk is due in part to the fact that people who cohabit tend to be more unconventional and already less committed to the institution of marriage. [2])
3. Love and care for your spouse and children.
4. Rear your children in love and righteousness
5. Provide for your children’s physical and spiritual needs.
6. Teach your children to love and serve one another
7. Teach your children to observe the commandments of God.
8. Teach your children to be law abiding citizens wherever they live.
(3-8 are all general guidelines for teaching and children. When adolescents feel connected to their parents (e.g., feelings of warmth, love and caring from parents) they are less likely than other adolescents to: suffer from emotional distress, have suicidal thoughts and behaviors, use violence, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol or smoke marijuana. They also have their first sexual experience later than adolescents who are not connected to their parents. [3] )

Fathers
1. Preside over their families in love and righteousness
2. Provide the necessities of life
3. Provide protection for the family

(While I don’t want to argue about what “presiding” means, One recent paper said that maintaining patriarchy requires only two things. First, The paternity of a woman’s children must be unambiguously known. Second, The biological father and mother must raise and educate their children together. [4]Anyway, here are some interesting stats: 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes – 5 times the average. 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average. 85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average. 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. [5] So what ever the father “presiding” in the home means, it is definitely important that the father is committed to “residing” in the home. Please remember that the above stats are mainly caused by poverty, lack of child support payments due the mother, abandonment by the father, inadequate attention paid to the child, living in a high crime area because the mother cannot afford to live in a better neighborhood, lack of support of family and friends (social stigma), and lack of legal and social assistance. This means the fault is not on the woman for not having the Father there physically, as women who are widows with financial pensions and good relationship prior to death do not match the above statistics. [6] ) What it does mean is that when the Father is not Spiritually, Financially, and Emotionally committed to his family, the children are “fatherless.” )

Mothers
1. Nurture the children
(I can’t find that data point I am looking for, but I recall as a teen watching a show on an experiment in Russia during the early cold war (or was it in Germany during WW2? I am fuzzy on this ) where Robots were built to replace all the traditional things mothers do for their children (feed the baby, change the diapers, read to the baby, rock the baby to sleep.) As I recall, all the children grew up to be sociopaths. While I can’t find anything on this currently, and statistics like those listed above for fatherless children are seemingly unavailable, I did find one chilling stat to share “A motherless child under five is twice as likely to die as a child whose mother survives.” [7] )

Both Genders
1. Help the other Spouse in all of the above (whether Father, Mother, or Both) as an equal partner. (One thing I find odd about the way the proclamation is written, is that, for me at least, Nurturing Children, Providing the necessities of life, and rearing the children in love and righteousness all seem to say the same thing to me. Perhaps that is why the Father and mother need to remember they are equal partners here. While there is some ambiguity to what presiding means, I don’t think there is much ambiguity to what an equal partnership is. Regarding the value of equal partnership in marriage, one source notes “Equal partnership fosters closeness between husband and wife, resulting in a stronger and happier marriage…Men benefit emotionally from equal partnership because there is greater openness and they feel better about their marriage…Research shows that having an equal say in decision making is the most important contributor to wives’ perception of their marriages as happy and satisfying. [8])
2. Adapt the above as your circumstances dictate. (I think sometimes we are too prone to think we are the exception to the rule and that it is our circumstances which allow us to adapt outside of the normative rules. One recent study noted that with a family the cohesion of the family seemed much more important than it’s flexibility in regards to behavioural adjustment. [9] This is not to say that some adaptability isn’t required in all situations, but I feel I personally have a tendency to justify deviance and adaptaion.)
3. Lend Support to your extended family. ( “multiple parents cooperating in extended family networks provide the highest potential for enhancing children’s social and emotional well-being” [10])
4. Don’t violate the covenant of chastity. (65% percent of extra-marital affairs end in divorce. One source noted “Perhaps nothing can destroy a marriage faster than marital infidelity.” And further, Adultery “leaves a trail of pain and destruction in its path. This potential legacy of emotional pain for one’s children should be enough to make a person stop and count the costs before it’s too late.” [11])
5. Don’t abuse your spouse or offspring. (61% of teenagers said students shoot others because they have been victims of physical abuse at home [12])
6. Don’t fail to fulfill family responsibilities. (In Summary, failure to do the above leads to less happy people, lower general mental well-being, divorce, chemical dependence, lower-self esteem, higher deviance, and higher crime rates.)

[1] here
[2] Jay Teachman, “Premarital Sex, Premarital Cohabitation, and the Risk of Subsequent Marital Dissolution Among Women,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 65 (2003): 444-455
[3] Michael D. Resnick, et. al. “Protecting Adolescents from Harm,” Journal of the American Medical Association (Sept. 10, 1997).
[4] here
[5] here
[6] Hetherington, E. M., Bridges, M., & Insabella, G. M. (1998). “What Matters? What Does not? Five Perspectives on the Association Between Marital Transitions and Children’s Adjustment.” American Psychologist, 53, 167-184
[7] here
[8] here
[9] here
[10] here
[11] here
[12] here