The Importance of Wholesome Recreation in Successful Marriage
Posted by Maven on June 8th, 2007
It’s always struck me as significant that “wholesome recreation” is listed among such principles as prayer, faith, repentance, love, etc., when describing successful marriages. What do you suppose was the Brethren’s (or the Lord’s for that matter) reasoning behind the inclusion of this value? How can wholesome recreation contribute to our marriages and families?
As a couple, it is important to spend time with each other. This may seem like a given, but as lives and relationships progress, one-on-one time can become scarce, especially with the addition of children, parental responsibilities, time-consuming church callings, community responsibilities, or whatever the case may be. Research shows that although the U.S. divorce rates have seen a slight decline in the last few years, there has been a 16% rise in divorces of couples married over 30 years. Empty nesting can put a huge strain on a couple whose own relationship has been neglected because of other commitments.
It is no wonder that once a week date nights are recommended to continue after courtship, once marriage has begun. Taking the focus away from children and family issues for a brief while and returning to the conversations that used to occur so often and easily will have many benefits for a husband and wife. This is nothing new, but definitely constitutes important recreation in a couple’s life and marriage.
For the family, recreation can bring us closer together. It can cultivate feelings of love, enjoyment, and appreciation for others as we play, or work together towards a common goal. It can provide opportunities for good conversation, teaching moments, and service. Children are given the attention they need, and parents also can benefit from a much-needed break from daily hassles.
President Benson stated:
“Wholesome recreation is part of our religion and is a necessary change of pace; even its anticipation can lift the spirit.” (“Do Not Despair,” Ensign, Oct 1986)
There’s a reason that the pioneers sang and danced during their evenings on the plains. It’s the same reason I go jogging when I’m frustrated or down-hearted. The way we feel as individuals most definitely affects our family and marriage dynamics. If we can positively influence our own moods and attitudes through recreation, our family can reflect that and benefit as well.
If we regularly participate in recreation, it may sometimes involve something active, i.e. hiking, camping, swimming, playing sports, etc. By doing these things on a regular basis, we assist in keeping our bodies healthy. Just think of the extra years of health we can enjoy when we’re older by making that investment now by being physically active! We can serve missions, hold church callings, help raise grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and prevent others from taking all of their own time in caring for us as we age.
The scriptures give us an insight into the nature of idleness. We read in Ezekiel 16:49 that an “abundance of idleness” was listed as one of the iniquities of Sodom. In 2 Nephi 5:24, idleness is associated with mischief and subtlety. “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop” is a phrase I’m sure we’ve all heard. Alma 38:12 counsels us to refrain from idleness, and Doctrine and Covenants 88:124 asks that we cease to be idle. Recreation is one thing we can easily participate in to avoid idleness. It is not hard to implement it into our lives. Spontaneous or planned, free or not; reading to children, taking a family vacation, even cleaning or home maintenance could be considered recreation (although trying to get kids to go along with that one may be difficult).
Faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, and work are all principles we should be striving to incorporate into our daily lives. Both to strengthen us, and our families. Wholesome recreation is listed among these, and should be treated similarly. So go ahead and take a break. 5 minutes to do something fun with your spouse or child. Enjoy it. We have been counseled to do so, and we will be blessed immensely for complying.
Reminds me of the old adage “the family that plays together stays together”. Not only is recreation important for a healthy marriage, but I think it’s equally crucial for the entire family.
But I agree that, as you say, a marriage needs to be nurtured through recreation and activities so that when the kids leave, they still have a relationship. I see a lot of women that consider themselves moms first, wives second, and almost treat their husband as another child who they boss around and clean up after. That doesn’t create the best relationship for when those kids leave…
I’m curious what all of you do for recreation within marriage (let’s keep in G rated, people!). What activities do you and your spouse enjoy together?
Comment # 1 left by Connor on June 8th, 2007
I am very glad this statement in in the Proclamation. I need recreation, and I sometimes feel guilty about it. Isn’t there something better I could be doing? - I often ask myself.
My wife is not very recreational, unless scrapbooking counts. Some of you know I love golfing. I have tried a few times to teach my wife how to golf. Good grief, what a mess. I sometimes wonder if when she sweeps the floor if she misses 17 times in a row. But once in a while she goes with me when I golf. She seems to like driving the cart around, enjoying the weather and the day, and making fun of me when I make a bad shot. It’s not so bad.
My wife and I have been very supportive of stuff we want to do separately also. I am glad to let her gather with her own friends and scrapbook an evening away. Or anything else she would like to do.
It seems to me things like golf or tennis are things couples can do together well into their older years. I like seeing couples in their 60s or so outside hitting balls around.
Comment # 2 left by Eric Nielson on June 8th, 2007
Some of you know I love golfing. I have tried a few times to teach my wife how to golf. Good grief, what a mess. I sometimes wonder if when she sweeps the floor if she misses 17 times in a row.
That, my friends, is worthy of inclusion in the BoJ Hall of Fame! Haha!
Comment # 3 left by Connor on June 8th, 2007
Connor,
In my marriage I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not matter what we do, it’s the togetherness that counts. I love camping and have spent the last 10 years trying to make my wife see the light. Though she still hates to camp, she goes anyway and we always have fun. Likewise, I enjoy sappy movies and community theater much more than I’d have ever imagined because we do it together. That said, I’m interested to see what things other people suggest.
Comment # 4 left by john scherer on June 8th, 2007
I enjoy just about any recreational activity when my wife is there. But here are some of the things we do together frequently for recreation:
1. Swim together in our back yard pool, with and without kids.
2. Play games, both board games and card games. Who knew ten years ago when we got married that my wife would be able to whoop me in Risk almost every time we play?
3. Turn off the television and read together, play together, etc. Seriously, though, we went for a few years during graduate school with no television- we lived in England and could afford neither the television nor the infamous television tax. During that time we really learned to enjoy wholesome recreation right within our own walls (we had a little toddler and could not afford babysitting, so when the kid went to bed the fun began). We read (together) almost every Jane Austen book and several Charles Dickens ones as well, to celebrate being in England. We topped off our Jane Austen reading with a memorable visit to Bath. We also played a seemingly eternal round of Uno, Skipbo, and Phase 10 during that time, just the two of us. Sweet memories! Even today we still whip out the cards or play a nice evening of Rummy Kub after the kids are in bed. Maybe it’s time to start reading together again…
4. Play any sort of sports together. We often play soccer (usually with the kids too) and racquetball (we are doing that again for our “Date night” this weekend). I think basketball will start being a favorite soon as well, since I am finally getting around to putting up a basketball hoop in our driveway.
5. Travel together. Since I actually started working (I had been in school for 8 of the 10 years we have been married), we have been able to travel together more often. Sometimes she comes with me on business trips, and we hang out after my meetings are done. Not too long ago, I whisked her away on a surprise trip to San Antonio to spend the weekend there sans children.
6. Another recreational activity we enjoy when we can get away from the kids is to look at houses together. We are not in the market for a new home, but we enjoy visiting model homes together to get decorating ideas for our own home.
7. Of course, we always enjoy just hitting a local restaurant.
8. Go to a concert together. We have been to see Neil Diamond, Sarah McLachlan, Autry, among others.
Those are the typical and atypical date nights for us. I might also add that my wife and I were very, very young when we married. It has been so much fun to “grow up” together in that way and discover who we are together.
Comment # 5 left by Jordan F. on June 8th, 2007
We like to ride motorcycles.
Robert used to jump out of airplanes, and the kids and I would drive out to the drop zone to watch him come down. We don’t do that so much anymore.
We also like indoor go-karting. There’s this local chain, “Champs” that we like to go to. Fun fun!
Living in Washington, we like to hike a lot, though we have not been going so much, as Bobbie’s at that awkward age where he’s too big to go in the Kelty, but not big enough to walk himself too far. We’ll do at least a couple of trails this summer. Before we hit this break for Bobbie’s toddler years, Katy, at age 5, could go over 14 miles with a ~15 lb pack.
And, I know this might seem random, but one you might not think of–yard work! It can be so much fun when the whole family is all out there doing it together. It seems like so much less of a chore when everyone’s doing it together. There’s a something else that happens about it, too; there’s somethign about working on improving/maintaining your home together that’s really solidifying for a family.
Comment # 6 left by Naiah Earhart on June 8th, 2007
Naiah- I have found what you say about yard work to be true in my family as well. Good times when we are all out there together on a Saturday morning.
Comment # 7 left by Jordan F. on June 8th, 2007
Before I changed majors for the umpteenth time, I was set to take an entire semester of a class about housework. I kid you not. I think we often forget that work around the house (or yard) can be so much more than getting the house or yard looking nice. If we take a step back, it can be about building relationships, too. (Note to self: Stop focusing on the getting things looking nice part and more on the relationships part!
)
Comment # 8 left by Michelle on June 8th, 2007
A big sustaining from me! That’s a killer icon. I am an advocate for outdoor wholesome recreation. It’s good to do wholesome things together as a family but taking it one more level to the outdoors magnifies the experience. My website is dedicated to this. Take a look. I loved reading your post. It’s refreshing to see you take the time to write about something like this! It’s not common.
Comment # 9 left by shawna on April 25th, 2008