Retaining our Youth.
Posted by Matt W. on February 19th, 2007This weekend I was privileged to go to some training on the scouting arm of the Young Men’s Program. They provided some sobering statistics from President Dahlquist.
 Of young men born as members of the Church in the US and Canada, only 37% of these young men serve missions. Further, only 45% ever become an Elder in the Church. The two periods of time with the greatest amount of loss are the time period between turning 16 and 19 (which accounts for about 20%) and in the period of time between birth and the age 12 (Which accounts for another ~20% who never become deacons, however, a little more than half of this never even get baptised) while the rest of the loss seems to be between the Deacon and Teacher ages.[1] (~10% in 12-14, and ~5% in 14-16)
 On the brighter side, about 96% of those who serve missions stay active throughout there whole lives, per President Dahlquist.
Now, I will assume the accuracy of these reportings is currently true. [3] What does this tell us?
The theory hypothesized on saturday was that our greatest area of loss is in the priest age, so it is the area which needs the most work, strongest programs, and best leaders.
While this is fine when speaking to a bunch of scoutmasters,I believe it misses the point.
What I see is that we are losing 35% of our youth before the age of 16. This indicates to me that the parents are either going innactive or abdicating their responsibilties as parents. I say this because youth under the age of 16 can not drive for themselves. They are dependent on their parents. Further, while there is rebellion in the teenage years, evidence shows that the more active the child is at a young age in church, the more active they will be as an adult. [4] This means the reasons for 16-19 year olds going innactive has a relation to how active they were prior to that point in time, as they are just continuing on in their pattern of learned behavior.
So what can be done?
First, we need to be aware that this is a problem. We need to be aware of the message we are sending to our children when we skip church to go Skiing, get that extra little bit of work done, or because we are tired and want to sleep in.
Second, we need to support the parents. Some day, someone reading this may be a Bishop. Remember, while you may need great leaders in YM, you also need great leaders teaching Adult Sunday School, leading priesthood and relief society, and making sure Parents know how to be the best they can be by teaching the best lessons we can. [5]
Third, we can focus on the Parents in our Home and Visiting Teaching, and talk to them directly and frankly about their responsibilities as parents. We can analyze what their weaknesses are and sincerely seek out and do what we can to help these parents.
Fourth, We can be aware of and work with first generation members to help them make the paradigm shift to the tennants of our religion and help them effectively care for their children and themselves.
Fifth, we can look for ways to be better parents ourselves.
And Finally, we can pray. We can pray for the leadership of the Church, that God may give them wisdom to continue their work to strengthen the family. We can pray for the familes we know and love, and we can pray that the Lord will grant us further light and knowledge to be the type of parent He is and he would have us be. Â
[1]- The numbers here have been rounded due to the memory insufficiencies of the author. The only numbers represented exactly from Elder Dalquist were the 37% and 45% figures, which were on the handout provided at the program. If anyone has like statistics for young women in the Church, I would love to see them.
[2]- Also from said handout. It should be noted that for all statistics sited, “being active” is going to church once a quarter or more. No other criteria is used.
[3] I have seen statistics elsewhere which put the number of Young Men serving missions as low as 20%. I am uncertain, however, of where this statistic came from and whether it was limited to the US and Canada.
 [4] so reports a recent study of the Barna Group here.
[5] For the best article I have ever read to date on this topic, see here. Â any suggestions for other quality articles would be greatly appreciated.
Matt,
Those are good suggestions for certainly a big problem in the church, however, I’m rather concerned that in none of your suggestions do you talk about the priests themselves. Your first point is to acknowledge a problem. Fine. Your second point is to support the parents, as is your third. Your fourth deals with new members, your fifth with leaders being better parents, and then finally to pray. But what about what priests, those young men ages 16-18, what do they want out of life, out of church, and what will help keep them excited and active?
I wasn’t very active in church as a teenager, but that had more to do with having to work on some Sundays. I participated in church activities because they were enjoyable. I found that I enjoyed the gospel and the duties of a priest.
From a church leader standpoint, I don’t know if your recommendations will do enough to keep increase the rate of activity of the young men. Too few of those recommendations (if any) focus on them. They focus too much on peripheral issues instead.
Comment # 1 left by Dan on February 19th, 2007
Dan, to put it simply, if LDS priests have “better” parents the 164 hours a week they are not at mutual or in church, then the 4 hours they are in those envornments will be less impossible a task.
When I teach sunday school and my kids tell me their parents beat them, never pray, cuss,don’t read scriptures, break the word of wisdom, etc. I think the problem facin teachers is a lot harder.
Further, I’m not saying the priests are not a concern, as all lost sheep are. What I am saying is that ~65% of those men we lose under the age of 19 are not priest age, we are losing them as children, and I think we are losing them due to their parents, not due to the kids themselves.
Comment # 2 left by Matt W. on February 19th, 2007
I think one of the greatest pieces of counsel/focus I ever heard from a leader regarding the youth is to “help them have as many experiences with the Spirit as possible.” When we talk about “helping the parents” I think it would help to have more specific ideas in mind. Are they having family prayer? Scripture study? FHE? Are they going to the temple with their youth?
I also think youth leaders need a good reminder that activities, etc. should bring a mixture of fun and spirit that can make the gospel FUN. I think sometimes we are afraid, though, to do stuff that has a spiritual focus once in a while, and we want simply to entertain. I think that is a mistake.
Lastly, I think the youth needs lots of opportunities for service (at home and at church). Few things can bring the Spirit for young people than getting outside themselves - no preaching necessary!
Comment # 3 left by Michelle on February 19th, 2007
I agree with you in general Matt. This is another touchy subject for me however.
I find it interesting that you make no mention of the scouting program whatsoever, when that is the training you were receiving…….(another post for another time).
But I face this question myself. I am the oldest of 6 kids. I have two sisters that became inactive in their teenage years and have not been back since. I have a brother who did the same and came back after about 12 years of complete inactivity. I wonder why I am fiercly active and they are not. Same house, same parents, same ward, same leaders, same neighborhood, same schools, etc., etc.
I think you may be understimating the strong will of a child in their late teens. What does a parent really do when their child really changes and digs in their heels as a late teen?
My parents were great. We attended every Sunday. We read scriptures, had family home evening, etc. They were very supportive. My father was in the Stake Presidency and my mother was the Relief Society President for most of our teenage years. Their results were about 60/40.
Even God the Father lost 1/3 of his children who rebelled against Him in his very presence.
Certainly good parenting is a must and a great help. But even goodly parents loose a few.
Comment # 4 left by Eric Nielson on February 19th, 2007
Michelle, you make some good points. I was trying to not get too specific because it may situationally be different in each house, and I think the specifics are adequately covered in the articleI linked to in footnote 5.
As a Sunday School Teacher, I have given up on being entertaining. The thing is, the kids can entertain themselves better than I ever can. My main goals are to be relevant and enlightening. (We’ll know my success rate on this in another twenty years.) As for Activities beyond sunday school, I am more interested in enabling the youth to have their own fun activities, advising them in how to lead themselves to that point, instead of having fun activities for them. In other words, you’re getting a huge “amen” from the back pew!
And I totally concur with you on service. I would say that Selflessness is the key to Godliness, and service is where we attain that key.
Comment # 5 left by Matt W. on February 19th, 2007
Good topic and good post, Matt. Eric is right, people have agency and
It also brought out some things that don’t matter very much:
Some factors have little effect on whether a young man marries in the temple or goes on a mission: the distance he lives away from the meetinghouse, the number of young people in his school who are LDS, whether his parents were converts, his father’s occupation, or whether his mother is employed. Characteristics of the ward’s activity program—whether the ward sponsors athletic teams and events, schedules “special” activities for youth, or implements Scout programs—while contributing to the general spirit of the ward, seem to have little effect in and of themselves.
Comment # 6 left by Mark IV on February 19th, 2007
Eric:
For some reason, I am grateful my subjects keep “touching” you.
First, to quote a general authority, “The scouting program is not on trial….We are…” Thus, my (and the stake’s) seeming inattention to the “scouting program”. (It was an 11 hour deal, and most of it was not program oriented. 4 hours of it was on this topic of retaining boys. I Guess I could do a post on how the Church Budget Allowance works and fund-raising, but that was only one hour, and even then we talked about it focusing on retention.)
For that matter, the number one factor in the success of any scouting unit within or outside of the church is the involvement of parents.
And I am not saying if we focused more energy on training the parents to be better parents and members that it would mean 100% retention. (Scripturally, 100% retention and conversion is impossible anyway.) I mean, look at Laman and Lemuel…
It is my point that if all parents in general were better parents and members, then we would have better programs automatically for the youth and the chance of the youth making it dramatically increases. 66% (2/3) is a heck of a lot better than 35% (~1/3). So while we do programs like “For the Strength of the Youth” and “standards night”, I think we need to remember to have a “For the Strength of the Parents” session as well.
Comment # 7 left by Matt W. on February 19th, 2007
Eric,
Just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about the struggles in your family. I imagine there are few trials more difficult than seeing children choose something other than what you hope for them. I think it’s pretty noteworthy that the first story in the BoM is about a family, and about children who chose a path other than the gospel path.
That said, I have also seen the power of righteous parents and those divine tentacles pulling children back into the fold after some time, too. I know your parents won’t give up hope and neither will you. Thanks for sharing a bit of your heart here.
Comment # 8 left by Michelle on February 19th, 2007
No problems all. Part of my hope in the whole blogging thing is to exorcise a few of my minor demons.
And Matt, I totally agree that better parenting would certainly improve results, and that even if it only improved things .1% then it would still be worth the effort.
I just sometimes get tired of what I see as the ‘blame game’ in the church. I sometimes cringe at the thought of blaming one person for another persons sins. I could gain a better understanding in this area for sure.
After my brother came back into the church, received the M.P., went to the temple and got sealed to his wife and kids etc., I had a long heart to heart talk with him (at least long and heart felt for a Nielson), and one of the questions I asked him is what our parents could have done differently to keep him active in the church. His reply was ‘absolutely nothing’. He told me that if our parents had tried to get him to change his mind and come to church to hard he would have left home. He felt he was completely prepared to do that.
Anyway, I often wonder what makes the difference for some people, why some stay and some leave under similar circumstances. Often I don’t think that simple lack ‘knowledge’ is really the problem.
But I do think you are on the right track Matt. Ultimately we can change ourselves even if we cant change others. That is really all we can do is be willing to change ourselves for the better and hope that will rub off on those around us.
Comment # 9 left by Eric Nielson on February 19th, 2007
Could somebody please check the comment queue? I made a comment a few hours ago that contained a link, but it hasn’t shown up yet. Thanks!
Comment # 10 left by Mark IV on February 19th, 2007
Mark, thanks for the note, It’s up now, and I will read and re-read it.
Eric, I hope I am not seen as fixing the blame, that is not my intent, I am working to fix the problem, not the blame. and I think awareness is a lot of what fixing the problem is about. I think you are right on in that we must change ourselves if we are to build zion. It’s the whole beam and motes thing.
Comment # 11 left by Matt W. on February 19th, 2007
Mark’s delayed comment reminded me of some more recent research that was done and published in the Ensign as well.
Comment # 12 left by Michelle on February 20th, 2007
That is an outstanding quote Mark.
Comment # 13 left by Eric Nielson on February 20th, 2007
Michelle, you really need to check out the link in footnote number 5 :), what do they say about great minds?
Mark, I have read and re-read the article now, and It aligns alot with the talk in footnote 5 that Michelle is now endorsing. Something that I find worrisome is the negative peer group at church. I actually know a family that moved to fix the peer group problem. Is that what it takes to save our children?
Comment # 14 left by Matt W. on February 20th, 2007