A Few Thoughts on Casting Stones
Posted by C Jones on May 22nd, 2006
I have wept in the night for the shortness of sight
That to somebody’s need made me blind;
But I never have yet felt a tinge of regret
For being a little too kind.
-unknown
Stones can build, and stones can destroy.
In the church we are taught as a matter of course that one of the main purposes of our existance is to develop a strong sense of right and wrong. We are taught constantly that our choices are of eternal consequence. I agree with this, and don’t intend to defend the relativism that gives us a modern-day Eleventh Commandment- “Thou Shalt Not Judge.”
But what about our relationships with others of our faith? Does our confidence in the accuracy of our positions ever make us more liable to be judgmental of other people’s choices? Do our lists of do’s and don’ts give us ammunition to more easily point to the seeming errors of those around us? Do we ever confuse our preferences with principles as an excuse to be unkind?
“A woman who writes for a Church-owned publication reports that no matter what feature stories her publication runs on LDS women, she receives angry mail from woman readers who disapprove of the messages they think are hidden in the stories. Stories about women doing professional work may prompt the complaint that such features undermine the Church’s counsel that a woman’s first priority is her family. Stories about women doing domestic work provoke the response that such features improperly exclude all LDS women from higher education and meaningful careers. According to this woman, the people who are hardest on LDS women are other LDS women..,” (Bruce C. Hafen, Principles and Preferences)
Do we destroy or do we build?
One LDS woman tell of how her mother was always building up others. One of the things she did was to make awards for people. Her mother was a volunteer in a hospital and one day she decided to make certain patients “Hospital Queen for a Day.” She made crowns and handed out bouquets of roses. She was the kind of person who would see someone’s picture in the newspaper, cut it out, write congratulations, and send it to the person. Later, the mother was in a rest home suffering from Alzheimer’s. But she still gave out awards written on scraps of paper in tiny, almost impossible to read handwriting. Even when there was hardly anything left of her, she was still a builder.
Although there is such a thing as righteous judgment, criticism for it’s own sake is always unrighteous judgment. The principle that we should be guided by is charity toward others. It’s all about what we are becoming, a builder or a destroyer. After all, one day we will all get a stone of our own.
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus said that we are always either drawing nearer to something, or moving away from it; either deciding to emulate it, or avoid it.
Whether or not an observer judges the person doing an act, the observer must, in fact cannot avoid, either drawing near (emulating) the observed act, or withdrawing from (avoiding) the observed act.
So even if you don’t call it “judging”, there is always decision-making by the observer, either intentionally or unintentionally.
Comment # 1 left by Bookslinger on May 22nd, 2006
C.
I loved the quote from Elder Hafen. Is that from a book or a talk? I would like the reference. I went to school with a couple of his son’s.
Your message is very important here. It is something I feel strongly about. We need to understand the meaning of principles and preferences better. I hope we can keep this in mind.
Comment # 2 left by Eric on May 22nd, 2006
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Comment # 3 left by C Jones on May 22nd, 2006
Bookslinger- What about option 3- witholding judgement?
I don’t mean that in the popular sense that the highest virtue is being tolerant and never judging anyone for anything. I mean a general attitude of not looking for and pointing out faults that may only be a difference in preference between two good (or at least not bad) things.
Witholding judgment may not rise to the level of charity, but it seems like a necessary step to get there. Or am I in denial if I think we can truly withold judgment?
Comment # 4 left by C Jones on May 22nd, 2006
Eric- I knew it was lazy of me to not look up the whole reference! The quote is from an excellent women’s conference talk given in 1996.
Comment # 5 left by C Jones on May 22nd, 2006
Civility:
Very nice post. This is something I’ve thought about quite a bit in the past. In fact, I have developed a theory about why we (at least myself and the majority of others) constantly seek to judge others: if we can point out weaknesses or imperfections in others, it justifies (albeit falsely) our own imperfections. In this way, our judgments serve as a sort of false atonement. This is why satan uses this as one of his sharpest tools in his proverbial shed. I will leave it at that because I plan on posting my theory in more detail in the future.
Thanks for the reminder!
Comment # 6 left by Wade on May 22nd, 2006
Thanks Wade! There is certainly a lot more that can can be said on the subject and I’m looking forward to reading your post.
Comment # 7 left by C Jones on May 23rd, 2006